Setting Boundaries Rather than Intentions
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I’ve had conversations with a handful of people since the beginning of the year, and for those that I have talked to, it seems as though this changing of the Gregorian calendar year has felt different than in years past. I know I, for one, have usually been especially keen on basking in days of reflection for the year nearly gone and dreaming of the year ahead.
For some reason, that urge to connect with goals and plans for the year ahead never really came up for me this year.
Instead, I had a glorious 11 days off, which I spent luxuriating in a liminal, restful space. In hindsight, I think some of that had to do with the fact that I was still reeling from a year of loss and upset and grief that I hadn’t truly let myself feel yet. The rest was critical and extremely necessary.
If 2020 and the holiday break had taught me anything, it’s just how important rest is. I don’t think I fully allowed myself to understand until it felt like a dire need to shift.
And what this period of rest illuminated for me is the need to examine the ways in which I have been working, and what feels like a very real call to recalibrate and recenter.
It also helped that I had a Human Design reading from Xenia Viray over at Myths of Creation, and her wisdom resonated throughout my time off. As I allowed it to slowly percolate, some things became more and more clear: the way in which I’ve been working is no longer working.
Redefining my relationship to my inbox
One of the main adjustments I’m making is to my relationship with my inbox. In many ways, my inbox is my livelihood. It’s where I connect with clients, where we exchange information, and how I can keep things moving along.
And yet, I noticed just how much control it had over me. Throughout the day, I would check it incessantly, pulling my attention away from the task at hand. At night, I’d pick up my phone and refresh the app to see new messages rolling in. Even if I didn’t respond to anything, each new email was then a fresh open tab in my brain, though I knew it would be there the next morning. My inbox was commandeering my life, keeping me in a near-constant state of reactivity. And I knew it had to stop.
I’ve seen other folks explore the option of having designated times that they check email, and I admired them on one hand and chuckled at the impossibility of that ever being an option for me on the other. Until now. I know the story I was perpetuating was that my worth was based on a response time. My worth was based on a relentless pursuit of productivity and perfection. But I can live that story no longer.
So I am trying it out. I’m only checking emails twice a day and pausing my inbox in between. I’ve downloaded the Boomerang plugin to my Gmail, so during the hours in which I aim to focus on specific tasks, I don’t see that inbox number creep ever higher, tempting me to check on what it is.
So far, it’s felt remarkably freeing. My hope is that being more diligent and focused on the task at hand means that not only will I offer better work to my clients, but I am caretaking myself in the process by not being pulled in multiple directions and more clearly defining the bounds of the workday and rest time.
This and other changes I’m making feel like a complete restructuring of my workdays in order to support my unique energetic needs. And in doing so, my wish is that by continuing to honor myself, I am able to continue showing up for my clients and those I serve more fully, more well-resourced, more balanced, more able to give from a pure place.
Of course, I’m nervous to upset current clients and how we’ve been working. I’m worried that there will be pushback, and worst-case scenario: they decide to no longer work together. My fear brain is screaming to just keep things as they are and keep the peace…and yet, I can no longer deny myself and my needs. I have spent a lifetime putting others before myself and losing myself along the way. I got so far off the path of honoring my own needs last year that I felt such a disconnection from myself.
I didn’t quite understand the extent until I had this time off to really dive into that grief that made itself known. I lost myself in the doing last year. I lost myself in being the savior. I lost myself in the incessant responding and serving that I had to keep resentment at bay. And that’s not who I am. I love to serve and to support others, but I was depleted.
So with that wisdom and clarity, despite the fear brain throwing a righteous tantrum, I’m honoring what I know to be true, and there is strength to be found there.
Reconnecting with truth
With a little bit of hindsight, it feels incredible that this is yet another way in which I am Owning My Why.
My Why is: Where there’s truth, there’s strength.
I’m realizing the truth of how I would like to design my days, and what an impact that has on everything else I encounter. This means creating new boundaries, which feels a little terrifying to voice, but afterward, feels glorious to embody. For me, when I create a new boundary, it brings up a lot of uncertainty around how it will be received and I can often freeze under the pressure of the “what-ifs”.
It’s never easy to say no to stability, to the comfortable, to the sure thing. And yet, each time I take a leap off the cliff of uncertainty, I see new landscapes and embark on new adventures that feel even more aligned. And what I’m growing into more and more is that the reaction or disappointment of others is not mine to carry. Of course, my ego feels the sting of that discomfort from others, but my soul knows that honoring what works for me is the way to show up most truthfully in this lifetime.
And so, I persevere.
Regardless of how this new year is greeting you, or even when you happen to stumble across this post, it is never too late to investigate the beliefs and systems that you’ve been working within to examine if they still work for you.
My wish for you, now and always:
As you have the capacity, may you gift yourself the time to evaluate (and re-evaluate!) the ways in which you may best support yourself—acknowledging that this will change and evolve with you.
And if it feels supportive to have someone hold gentle space and reflect your truth and wisdom back to you, I’m here! Join me for a Shift Session — 60-minute chat, pay-what-you’re-able.
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Photo credit: Creating Light Studio