Redefining Love
I’m ending this year, this decade, basking in the wise words of Krista Tippett. I finally got my hands on a copy of her book Becoming Wise at the Library, and it has been the best ally during this transition. She shares excerpts from her conversations over the years spanning the themes of words, flesh, love, faith, and hope. It’s the section on love that struck me most and has been bursting my heart-mind wide open.
I started this year in the structure of what I believe many of us are taught to aspire to when we think of “love.” I was in a marriage; although it was struggling, we were trying to find our way within it. When we ultimately decided to separate, while knowing it was the right move for both of us, I was devastated at the thought of “failing at love.” My inner dialogue in those first days and weeks was perpetually asking: What more could I have done? Did I not try hard enough? Did I not love strongly enough?
Despite the cacophony of fears shouting inside my head for the uncertainty of what lie ahead, there was a subtle, gentle current that kept me steadily moving forward. I don’t even think I was consciously aware of it, but that current was a deep-seated knowing that Love (with a capital L) is much bigger than I was able to experience within the confines of that marriage. The quiet question that has been ruminating since then is: How do I define Love?
Unbeknownst to me at the time, while I was in that relationship, I felt like I needed to singularly siphon my love to one person. The difficult part in that scenario is that for whatever reason the environment that we had created was not conducive for reciprocity. We were simply not compatible. From my perspective, I think what I had encountered early on as ease and simplicity in our relationship, devolved into complacency and apathy.
I have had my fair share of resentment, regret, and guilt as I work through this, but where I am now, I feel quite at ease with how everything has transpired, and I don’t place blame on anyone or anything. All of this has been valuable lessons for my next cycle of evolution, and for that, I am utterly grateful.
The dissolution of our marriage allowed me to delve deeper into the inquiry about Love because here is what I do know—even though that relationship did not last, it does not mean that I am incapable of Love.
I can see it so clearly now, my previous definition of love (even though I never formally defined it) was all about form and formalities, structure and safety, plans and proclamations. It was far too small of a container for what my soul knows Love to be.
Love is allowing in the opportunity for magic.
Love is bowing to mystery.
Love is honoring the necessity of the mundane with the exceptional.
Love is not a state you achieve, it is an active process of being.
Love is accepting the formlessness needed for the sovereign beings held within its embrace to grow within it.
With these truths, I can unshackle myself from the love that has marked my past and step into the Love that awaits my future.
From these, I now define Love as this:
A willingness to open your heart to the beauty of what is and allow your heart to be educated by the other.
With this new, more expansive definition, I am no longer reining in love to be something of only a romantic nature. I am exempting it from looking a certain way or subjecting it to any limitations. I choose for my Love to exude to every being, every plant, every experience, every circumstance, every failure that I encounter.
I commit to living brazenly heart-first with an unabashed willingness to see the beauty in all things.
When I get into my head, this way of living feels scary AF. Yet, when I can settle back down into my heart, it feels like the sweetest homecoming, as if my spirit has been nudging me to return to my Truth, to my natural way of being for a long time.
I would so enjoy to continue this conversation, so feel free to share in the comments below, or you may always send me an email directly if you’d prefer to keep it private. How do you define love? What would feel like a homecoming for your spirit? What are you stepping into in 2020?
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Photo credit: Creating Light Studio