One of my core beliefs in business is Radical Generosity. My hope is that by seeing (and treating!) my clients as the real-life humans that they are, we can slowly start to shift the narrative that marketing is manipulative and that being in business is a merely about earning a profit.

If we come back to the foundational definition of business, it is to serve others. And yes, in exchange for that service, we receive something in return that supports our livelihood. It’s this exchange, this cycle of giving and receiving, this perpetual dialogue that I’m really interested in exploring how we can expand the notion of what’s possible.

In my experience, as I started claiming this conviction of Radical Generosity and putting it into practice, I was finding an ever-present need for recalibration. Because yes, I want to give amply, but how do I offer abundantly without sacrificing myself along the way?

My question then became: How much am I able to offer before resentment or burnout sets in?

I find this examination to be especially important because I also believe that the energy with which we create something permeates through every facet of that creation. And, it’s my intention to create from a place of love, wonderment, gratitude and possibility. If I aim to create from this space, it’s extremely difficult to tap into those qualities when I’m dripping with irritation, much less utter exhaustion.

In order for me to operate my business (and let’s be real… live my life, too!) from this place of Radical Generosity, I have had to take a keen look at my own boundaries. Even though I wish I could do all the things for all the humans — I am but a mere mortal—and it has taken a lot of observation, plenty of experimenting, and an enormous amount of grace to see me to this point.

If you find yourself in a similar space of wanting to give and be of service in your own unique and subversive way, I offer these few notes for what has most certainly supported me in feeling like I may give in the way I want to give, while also honoring my own needs and limitations in the process.

1. Establish a relationship with your body.

Your body is incredibly wise. We’re seeing confirmation of this with the advances of neuroscience demonstrating the unmistakeable connection between the body and the mind. Especially for those of us in the West, we tend to over-emphasize logic and reason in our decision-making process, and largely dismiss the importance of other factors, like intuition. (If you want to dive deeper into this, I highly recommend two books: The Source by Dr. Tara Swart and Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert, PhD.)

What has been enormously helpful for me in incorporating what Swart calls a “whole-brain approach” is to familiarize myself with what certain emotions feel like in the body. Within this discussion about boundaries, I became curious about what resentment, anger, frustration, irritation and similar emotions felt like in my body.

A helpful way to tap into this somatic knowledge is to block off a few minutes for yourself, sit comfortably, and bring to mind a situation where you can easily recall that your boundaries were breached. As vividly as you can, place yourself back in that situation, and observe the sensations that arise in your body. This is a body scan exercise to begin to track and describe the physical manifestations of these emotions in your physical being.

Where is the sensation located? (Chest, stomach, palms, throat, etc.)
What do you notice about the sensation? (Is there a temperature?)
Describe the sensation as clearly as you can.

For example, when I feel the agitation arise from one of my boundaries being crossed, I know because my heart starts to beat LOUDLY. Not only do I hear it, but I also feel like my heart is beating so vigorously that it feels as though it’s on the surface of my chest, exposed for all to see. Then a heat radiates from the center of my chest, all the way out down my arms to my fingertips, and my hands start to shake.

What’s helpful about knowing this is that when I am now in a situation in which I begin to feel that first sensation of my heart beating more loudly than normal, I know that’s my cue that something is amiss. I take that physical cue as a moment to pause and assess the situation.

And then here comes the hard part (at least for me)… once I acknowledge a boundary has been crossed, I must then take action. Often times it requires a challenging conversation, but I have found that having those conversations is tremendously worthwhile. It unshackles me from the burden of carrying around resentment or heading face-first into burnout.

2. Observe and find patterns.

Once I’ve determined the physical sensations that alert me to a boundary infringement, I then begin an awareness practice. My goal with this practice is to maintain an open sense of curiosity and inquiry and finding ways to simply notice. We are meaning-making creatures, so with a little bit of effort and a solid dose of patience, over time as we look back at our moments of pause after our body signals that something is awry, we can begin to see patterns.

And this is so helpful! When we begin to notice patterns about what seems to instigate our agitation, then we have solid information from which we can create gracious plans to further protect our boundaries, while also remaining open to give generously.

A few ways that I’ve done this:

At the end of each day, rate my day. I use a paper planner, so I’ve tried a couple of things. For a while, I wrote a number after each day on a scale from 1–10, with 1 being the worst day ever to 10 being the best day ever. I’ve also invited in some joy and playfulness by giving each day a Lisa Frank sticker. At the end of the week, I review to see if any patterns arise.
Similarly, I track how I’m nourishing my body (eat, sleep, movement, etc.) and make notes of how that impacts my day/mood. I have to be careful with this one because I can easily get overly critical about my actions. I consistently have to remind myself that there are no good or bad foods, that I am not a good or bad person for moving in a certain way, or not. It’s all just information to begin to understand ourselves better and what inputs & outputs we need to function at our own uniquely individual best.
Check in after each interaction and note if it was overall an energy positive or negative experience. Sometimes I’ll do this as a part of my daily rating, but more often now it’s a mental exercise. After each interaction I make a mental note if I feel energetically revived or drained. And, if there’s time, I will delve deeper into what exactly made it that way.

Again, all of this is information, and my intention is to examine all of it without a charge, and remain open if any patterns or insights should present themselves that could be turned into a proactive measure to fortify my boundaries.

3. Define your boundaries.

As I’ve been eluding to, once I had begun to work with Steps 1 & 2, I could then start to put clear language around my boundaries. This is a continual work in progress for me, but I’ve found that beginning to establish (and adhere to!) these boundaries is the single-most effective way to keep me rooted in a genuinely generous place.

4. Determine how you like to receive & replenish.

This goes back to the cyclical nature of things. Whenever we give, we must also receive. For me, having clearly defined boundaries creates the environment for me to replenish and receive in the way that I need most. And when I’m replenished, then I can continue to give. And on and on and on. Boundaries, y’all. They’re important!

5. Look for the Middle Way.

And as with life, there is no clear-cut path. There is no right/wrong. So even within the structure I create, and with each new opportunity that presents itself, if the initial response is a No, then I always take time to inquire again: Is this really a No? Is it possible to turn this No into a Yes? If so, how?

This always feels like sufficient due diligence to ensure that I’m honoring myself, remaining flexible to the reality that things are always changing, and giving myself space to grow within whatever structure I create.

And it’s that freedom of knowing things aren’t quite so rigid that helps me to feel the most Radically Generous.