3 Reminders I've Got on Repeat

A couple of weekends ago, I experienced an interesting shift. At least for the entirety of this year (but really it’s a lifelong pattern), I’ve been living in a state of over-productivity, over-work, and perpetual busyness. I know this shift came as a result of the cumulative effort of all the healing work I’ve done over the past few years, but nonetheless, something beautiful did change.

Since that day, I’ve been trying to articulate exactly what has shifted that has produced this feeling of spaciousness, of possibility, but perhaps it’s one of those soul knowings that isn’t meant to be diminished by words. It refuses to be reduced and confined by the limitations of language, and so, definition eludes me.

But over the past few days, I have observed a few reminders that seem to be playing like a steady stream in my unconsciousness, bubbling up to the surface of my consciousness, just as I need them. They’ve been nourishing to me, so I wanted to share, in the event they might also be of service to you.

1. People pleasing is merely a socially acceptable form of self-sabotage.

This one came through loud and clear right as I was walking through this tunnel on a walk that weekend. I have a history of people pleasing tendencies, and I know that in my efforts to go above and beyond and do everything I can to not disappoint others, what I’m really doing is sacrificing myself and my wellbeing.

I say that it’s socially acceptable because from the outside perspective, and especially as a business owner, being busy is typically seen as a sign of success. I would say that in many ways, I am addicted to this busyness. I crave the need to be needed so much that I have allowed my own needs to go unheard, unseen, unmet.

And the signs are hard to catch! Because it’s all based on my capacity (which everyone has different capacities and my own changes on the daily), so it’s up to me to decide what I will allow.

What I’m waking up to is the realization that in staying quiet, in pushing through, in ignoring my needs so that I may “be of service” to others, I am giving my power away. The story I’ve been telling myself is that the situation is difficult, that particular client is asking too much, etc. When I do so, I’m effectively putting myself in the victim seat, allowing these external forces to have power over me.

As I begin to detangle myself from these patterns and really understand what I can do in a way that doesn’t burn me out, I am calling my power back to me.

All of this is really boundary work, which continues to be a massive life lesson for me. If you’d like to explore this topic in more depth, conveniently my dear friend Ashley Beaudin put together an entire virtual summit around this idea of self-sabotage. She’s gathered over 30 speakers from all over the world to speak on topics ranging from how to heal self-sabotage to cultivate self-support. And… I’ll be there to talk about Radical Generosity. It’s totally free, and you’ll have the chance to grab some exclusive offers from these speakers, myself included, at a special price for attending the summit.

My session is Tuesday, May 19th at 9am Central, and I would love to see you there!

2. Even the tiniest action signals to the Universe that I am ready.

As anyone who has ever read Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art knows, there are myriad forces at work to keep us from creating. He calls it Resistance, and it shows up differently for everyone, but some familiar players are fear, procrastination, overwhelm, and doubt. Sometimes those feelings are so strong that they keep us from doing the things our soul is calling us to do.

The best medicine for Resistance? Taking action. However small it is, it’s the act of doing something that brings it out of the esoteric thought form and into reality that initiates the shift.

Here’s an example for you:Yes, I’ve been really tired lately, and for the past few weeks that has lived in me as a story and as a complaint. I’ve voiced it to friends, written about it in my journal, mulled over it, felt sorry for myself, but continued the cycle of overwork and overwhelm despite desperately wanting to create more space for myself. And… you guessed it! Nothing changed.

But then a couple of weeks ago, I decided to actually listen to my body. There was one day where I took 3 naps! And then for one whole weekend, I went completely sans screens. I also decided to reserve 3-4pm every day for me, whether that’s to nap, or walk, or read, or clean, or bake. I just won’t work. I put the time on my calendar and shared with friends to help hold me accountable, and within just a few days, I’m already feeling more rested.

While this example may feel oxymoronic since my goal is to do less, not more, my intention was to create more space, and I have done just that.

Whatever you desire, setting an intention is a powerful first step, but then there will come a time when you must take action. All great things are a combination of right next steps. When I begin to feel Resistance rear its nasty head, I bring it back down to what I can do in this moment.

And on the topic of starting and creating… I’ll be speaking about this in another upcoming summit! The Start from Scratch Summit is totally free and is meant to help womxn create sustainable businesses and their dream lifestyles. It’s that perfect combo of money + mindset + business with three separate tracks on making, saving, and investing money.

Save the Date for June 1, and you’ll walk away with a playbook of how to quite literally start from where you are. My session is bright and early at 8am. Join me?

Details & Registration Here

3. In every moment, I get to choose.

Really, I believe the two aforementioned reminders were born from this one. Although notably, this one took me the longest to fully understand.

I’ve participated in over 500+ hours of yoga and meditation teacher trainings. I’ve read many books on spirituality and mindfulness. All the while, I felt like I had a handle on this idea of presence.

And yet, I’ve been reminded that intellectually knowing something is very different from actually embodying and practicing the teaching.

While I know the techniques to help me land into a state of presence, I haven’t been actively practicing them. I have a daily meditation practice, but at some point the intention of it switched from an open-hearted wish to be with myself to an ego-fueled desire to not break the daily count streak on my Insight Timer app. I was checking off the meditation item on my pristine morning routine checklist and relegating presence to something I explored as a concept. When any day would get going, and the circumstances of that day would present an opportunity for me to practice my skills of cultivating presence, they went ignored. Forgotten.

I think this is because on some level it felt easier to keep doing what I know, which is to complain, push through, and/or blame someone/something else. If I were the one responsible, then I would have to do something, change something. And that’s exactly the point.

When we finally see Truth, we simultaneously assume responsibility to do something about it. Hence, the power of choice, and ultimately the power of presence.

I have an anxious mind, and it is geared to look more towards the future. My tendency is to create stories about all the things that might happen, and I’ll get swept away by those storylines. I recycle stories that keep me stuck and uphold one of my deepest fears—that I am unworthy. Unworthy of love, success, ease, friendship.

Making a conscious effort to rewrite those narratives is hard work! But it is something that I am (finally) ready for. I am ready to accept responsibility for what might transpire when I release that storyline, release that fear.

And it all starts with this moment. When I am able to anchor myself into this moment, and widen my perspective to see what is truly here, then I open myself up to a most powerful sense of clarity. Devoid of my neurosis, when I can see clearly, and then act clearly, this is how I rewrite my story to one of worthiness and joy.

It’s in this moment I can see those people-pleasing tendencies for what they are and choose how to respond in a way that honors my boundaries. It’s in this moment that I can choose a different response, which signals to the Universe I’m ready for change. It’s in this moment when I lean into the power of choice that I begin to lay the foundation for a more hospitable future.